The Evolution of Davey

Yep, I’m totally recycling a blog here. Anywhoodles, Here’s something from my old Myspace blog. Looking back, the person I was talking about turned out to be a leaf. You’ll see what I mean….

(Read it, see my update below and then you can comment by clicking the link :)

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Monday, March 02, 2009

I am a tree.
Category: Life

So………I had a little Madea marathon with Christian this weekend. It was fun. If you haven’t seen the plays or the movies you better get to blockbuster right now!


Anywho, Being with Christian always makes me happy and secure so I tend to not worry about anything when I’m with him. I don’t worry about my fucked up family, drama with friends or anyone…but something Madea said filled my head with thoughts. This is what she said:

“Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a
season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes
into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a
tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the
other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can’t
count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree.

What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It’ll
wither and die and blow away.There ain’t no need to be praying over a
leaf to be resurrected. When it’s dead it’s gone. Let it go! Some
people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now
and then. If you’re grown, you know what I’m talking about, because you
can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That’s the
leaf people. They come to take.

Then there are people like a branch.
You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different
shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life.
So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you’re going out on a
limb, don’t put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and
leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to
grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it.

Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree.
If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that
are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don’t care nothing
about being seen. All they’re there to do is hold that tree up, to make
sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree
everything it needs. That’s what relationships should be about. That’s
what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right
reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you’ve got to LET
THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving
standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if
they don’t meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they
might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might.”

Its so true! It got me and Christian talking about the people in our lives and what they would be to us. Christian is a root that I can feel starting to grow deeper and deeper. I’ve put that boy through hell in the past two years and a year ago I would have dismissed him as a leaf because I was immature and I was scared. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing but fate brought us back together when I was stronger :) He cares about me and with all the confusion in my life he holds me together. With him there’s no questions about how he feels about me, he makes sure I know every day how much I mean to him. Its an actual adult relationship :)

Then I started thinking about the leaves, branches and the other roots. I started thinking about my friends, the new and the old. Not too long ago I could have told you that I didn’t have any leaves or even branches. I had roots and only roots. Now that I’m a little older, the friends that I thought would be there suddenly stopped being there. The connection is lost. There’s no more love or support, just judgement and resentment. Is the root dying? How could this be? We’ve been through so much.

Maybe they wern’t a root at all. I want to believe that they were a root but I’m being shown otherwise. Maybe the season is over….Autumn is here to let it die.  I don’t know what the lesson would be in this situation. I don’t feel any better or any stronger. It hurts, it literally hurts inside that I can’t see a place for them in my future. I don’t know if its something I did or something they did but my fucking tree feels like shit because of it.
I don’t want to hold any resentment because they’ve been through so many changes in my life but I can’t stand feeling like this. They can be next to me but it feels like they’re on the other side of the world.

I wish it was easier to let go….Maybe its a rough patch….I wish they would just tell me what they are and walk out of my life. I need to let go. As much as that will hurt there’s no point to me wishing and having faith in something that isn’t alive anymore. Still, even if these people I’m doubting go away I’m sure my roots will be around to hold me together :)

I hope I’m a root to those I consider roots…no matter how big or small.

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Where I am now? Let’s see…The leaf died, the branch broke, the friend left and my roots were there to hold me up without asking anything in return. Did it suck? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. But I’m still standing….and stronger than ever.

Click Here and give me your thoughts :)

Where the hell is Meredith Grey when you need her?

Last week I went to the hospital and they hooked me up to IV’s and said I had a kidney infection. They basically poked me and sent me on my way. I didn’t feel better so I went to another doc and he did an x-ray at his office, explained every possible outcome to me and came to the conclusion I had kidney stones. He prescribed some new meds and I finally feel better! Emergency rooms can’t diagnose you, but they sure know how to charge you an arm and a leg for nothing! We need health care reform!

I’d like to thank the Academy…..

My best friends and boyfriend were by my side every step of the way. Thanks guys! People at work were concerned and they all wished me well….except for a few people who I thought were my friends, but I’ll save that story for another post.

Oh, there she is….

Last week was mostly a blur BUT OMG GREY’S ANATOMY IS BACK! And this season looks soooo good (too bad George is gone though, he was my fave). I still need to catch up on my other shows (Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters and SVU) but I have no idea when I will have the time.

We’ve gone from Seeking Amy to Sexing Peter, Paul and Mary

In other news, I’m really LOVING the new Britney Spears song…Its called 3.

Listen to Britney sing about Peter, Paul and Mary HERE!

WTF?=Why The Face?

Other than that nothing else new is going on but I will be posting a lot more this week….something is bound to piss me off and I’ll be sure to share it with you.

Until then  :)

Just spent the last few hours in the e.r :( I’m feeling a little better now but man yesterday and today were HELL!! Kidney infections suck.

I had a conversation with my older sister today and it was rather interesting. She was telling me about how dad took it upon himself to insult her and basically tell her that she is worthless (maybe its his way of saying I <3 you?). The only reason my dad did this was because my mom took a day trip to Mexico and he is too afraid to say it when she is around….or in the same country.

Dad has done this to me hundreds of time. I don’t know if he is trying to compensate for some grave injustice that was done to him by his father but I know that I won’t give him the opportunity anymore (you know, because I just LOVE getting told that I’m worthless). I’m halfway moved out of my house (I have all the necessary things with me and I’m pretty much using my old room as storage) and I don’t talk to the man unless its absolutely necessary.

Daddy dearest has gone out of his way to tell me that I am accepted in my family, but my homosexuality isn’t. How can one survive without the other? Something tells me that he just likes to see me miserable. I am who I am and there are people in this world that love me unconditionally. I have a very supportive aunt and best friends that save a seat for me at the dinner table during the holidays. I don’t need him to tell me who I can and can’t love. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My mom, on the other hand, is a complex (fancy word for confusing) individual. My mom has told me on several occasions that she supports me, but when my dad is around she wants to perform an exorcism. Mom and Dad take their religion VERY seriously. Both of them attend church (More like a seminar on hate), They go around spreading the world and blessing everyone (with or without a sneeze). If anyone asks them to see things from their point of view they immediately shut themselves off and shove their message down your throat even more.  Love thy neighbor? I think not.

My parents are so worried about what their church brothers and sisters (I thought I had so many Aunts and Uncles growing up) will say if they found out. I’m not an expert or anything, but doesn’t the bible teach you not to be so vain? Doesn’t it say something about not caring about what people say about you? I’m pretty sure no one would give a rat’s ass (its not like they didn’t suspect anything) but if there are people that can’t mind their own busines and gossip about it(it wouldn’t be church without some good chisme!) then they would just be going against several teachings in the bible, thus damning themselves to hell for all eternity.

We all have to answer to a higher power, whatever that is (OMG Cher?!). I will have to answer for all my sins and I will be held accountable. No one is going to take the blame for me sleeping with men. That being said, what I do with my life won’t affect anyone else (unless you’re sinning with me) and I really think my parents or anyone who has something against Gays and Lesbians should really re-evaluate what it is that they are fighting against. How does it affect them?How is my way of life detrimental to yours?

My parents don’t really see it that way and as much as I’d like to believe that they will eventually open their minds I know that it will probably never happen. As long as they are reporting for Jesus-Duty every Sunday I know I won’t have a good relationship with them. It hurts, and nothing will ever fill the void I have in my heart (yes, the gays have hearts too)  but at least I’m lucky enough to have someone to love me unconditionally.

I am going to give this SMS posting thingy a try…reminds me too much of twitter though.