The Evolution of Davey

Yep, I’m totally recycling a blog here. Anywhoodles, Here’s something from my old Myspace blog. Looking back, the person I was talking about turned out to be a leaf. You’ll see what I mean….

(Read it, see my update below and then you can comment by clicking the link :)

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Monday, March 02, 2009

I am a tree.
Category: Life

So………I had a little Madea marathon with Christian this weekend. It was fun. If you haven’t seen the plays or the movies you better get to blockbuster right now!


Anywho, Being with Christian always makes me happy and secure so I tend to not worry about anything when I’m with him. I don’t worry about my fucked up family, drama with friends or anyone…but something Madea said filled my head with thoughts. This is what she said:

“Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a
season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes
into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a
tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the
other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can’t
count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree.

What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It’ll
wither and die and blow away.There ain’t no need to be praying over a
leaf to be resurrected. When it’s dead it’s gone. Let it go! Some
people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now
and then. If you’re grown, you know what I’m talking about, because you
can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That’s the
leaf people. They come to take.

Then there are people like a branch.
You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different
shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life.
So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you’re going out on a
limb, don’t put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and
leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to
grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it.

Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree.
If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that
are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don’t care nothing
about being seen. All they’re there to do is hold that tree up, to make
sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree
everything it needs. That’s what relationships should be about. That’s
what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right
reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you’ve got to LET
THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving
standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if
they don’t meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they
might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might.”

Its so true! It got me and Christian talking about the people in our lives and what they would be to us. Christian is a root that I can feel starting to grow deeper and deeper. I’ve put that boy through hell in the past two years and a year ago I would have dismissed him as a leaf because I was immature and I was scared. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing but fate brought us back together when I was stronger :) He cares about me and with all the confusion in my life he holds me together. With him there’s no questions about how he feels about me, he makes sure I know every day how much I mean to him. Its an actual adult relationship :)

Then I started thinking about the leaves, branches and the other roots. I started thinking about my friends, the new and the old. Not too long ago I could have told you that I didn’t have any leaves or even branches. I had roots and only roots. Now that I’m a little older, the friends that I thought would be there suddenly stopped being there. The connection is lost. There’s no more love or support, just judgement and resentment. Is the root dying? How could this be? We’ve been through so much.

Maybe they wern’t a root at all. I want to believe that they were a root but I’m being shown otherwise. Maybe the season is over….Autumn is here to let it die.  I don’t know what the lesson would be in this situation. I don’t feel any better or any stronger. It hurts, it literally hurts inside that I can’t see a place for them in my future. I don’t know if its something I did or something they did but my fucking tree feels like shit because of it.
I don’t want to hold any resentment because they’ve been through so many changes in my life but I can’t stand feeling like this. They can be next to me but it feels like they’re on the other side of the world.

I wish it was easier to let go….Maybe its a rough patch….I wish they would just tell me what they are and walk out of my life. I need to let go. As much as that will hurt there’s no point to me wishing and having faith in something that isn’t alive anymore. Still, even if these people I’m doubting go away I’m sure my roots will be around to hold me together :)

I hope I’m a root to those I consider roots…no matter how big or small.

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Where I am now? Let’s see…The leaf died, the branch broke, the friend left and my roots were there to hold me up without asking anything in return. Did it suck? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. But I’m still standing….and stronger than ever.

Click Here and give me your thoughts :)